Sunday, January 18, 2009

time passes, the old passes

Last weekend marked the one year memorial of Ahlai's death. Ken was away on a high school youth retreat when I remembered what day it was, and I had to stop and think about how I was going to handle that. I surprised myself. I didn't cry, didn't feel that same intense, gut gripping pain I felt when we first realized our baby was gone. Instead I was reflective, and thankful for all the Lord has done with me in the past year.

There was a time when I couldn't imagine not feeling crushed when thinking about Ahlai. Now I can lovingly recognize that little gift God blessed Ken and I with for 14 weeks, and praise the Lord that He holds our son in His arms in heaven. God has done so much for us over the past year. He has blessed us in ways I would never have imagined. Ken and I are just weeks from the birth of Weslee, which we never thought would happen this soon. We are living in a house, and have family and friends that love us. We may be one of those poor married couples, but we are so richly blessed in so many other ways. I've been telling Ken this week how happy I am that we're not "well-off" because I see people being controlled by money every day, and it saddens me.

The Lord teaches us all how to rely on Him, and sometimes He does that through life's tragedies. As a Christian, we must be in the Word and realize that He uses everything for good, even if it is not our standard or preference of "good", and even when we can't see how He will use our situation.

There is a song, and the lyrics ring so true for me:
"You give and take away, You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name"

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