Monday, February 13, 2012

I don't want to

I have a toddler. He does toddler-hood as well as the best of them, including the I-know-what-I'm-supposed-to-do-but-I-want-to-assert-my-independence episodes. The most prevalent presentation of his willfulness right now is his response when I tell him we're going to do something.

For example, today we were on the way home when the following conversation ensued:

Weslee: Mama, where are we going?

Me: We're going home.

Weslee: I don't want to!

Me: Why don't you want to go home? Home is fun! We can go and play!

Weslee: I don't want to!

Me: Well, we're going to.

Do you ever feel like having that toddler independence attitude? I know that sometimes I start my day out like that- the alarm rings, and I know I need to get up, but "I don't want to!" Or, I need to clean and do chores, but the toddler in me protests, "I don't want to!"

Not only does it happen in my everyday life- it also happens in my spiritual walk. I know what I should do, but "I don't want to!" Pray, read my Bible, work on my marriage, fellowship with others, help the needy.... some days, "I don't want to!"

I am so thankful that I have a God who knew what I was going to be like, who sent Jesus to die on the cross for every one of those sinful and rebellious thoughts before I even existed. Then I think: who am I to tell the Creator of the universe "I don't want to!" like a child throwing a tantrum, when He has done so much for me?

Maybe we all need to be our own adult voice now and then, and when we have those thoughts, tell ourselves, "Well, you're going to!"

Sunday, January 15, 2012


Have I mentioned that I'm far from perfect? Yeah, I thought so.

Some days (more than I'd like), life feels overwhelming. My house never seems to be clean or organized enough, kids not well-behaved enough, laundry not done enough, dinner not ready on time, my patience not long enough, etc. Overwhelming can quickly turn to frustration, anger, and despair if you let it. It can fester and take a toll on relationships with those that you love.

Often I find myself walking the line between normal fretting about things and diving over into crazy about it. Sometimes I just have to stop and pray, asking God to take my worry from me and replace it with His peace. I am so thankful to have a Lord who is always there when I need Him, who always knows what is going on when I don't.

Do you know my God? He created the earth, knitted each one of us together in our mothers' wombs, and sent his only son Jesus to die on the cross for us while we were yet sinners to save us from ourselves. He is the reason why all my worry is in vain, and why even when I am far from perfect, he is always perfect and will carry my burdens. He is there to forgive when I come to Him in repentance, and He renews my spirit.

How amazing and comforting it is to be reassured of the faithfulness of my Lord- He is the one constant in a life of chaos.

On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah
-Psalm 62:7-8

Friday, January 13, 2012


I am so ungrateful.

Today, even as much as I love my children, I am not as grateful as I could be. I take for granted that my boys are healthy, that they will run (or crawl) around and play all day, that they will laugh and cry, that they will be here tomorrow. We are never guaranteed a tomorrow, and some parents face a reality where that knowledge looms much too close for comfort in regards to their own children.

Please take a moment to pray for Baby Tripp and his family. You can read their story here, but you might want a box of tissues. I've been following the blog off an on for a while now, and it looks like Baby Tripp is very close to going home to Heaven to be with God. He will be pain-free for the first time, and will have a perfect body, and be in the presence of the Great Physician, who will heal all that has been broken for his short little life. Those left behind will mourn, but not mourn as those who have no hope. I pray that you, reader, know Jesus and may grieve for/with this family, but also have the hope that they have. Remember, there was once another mother and father (and Father) who know that their son would die, the son who defeated death that we might have hope in eternal life with Him.

As I was reading the blog entry above, I cried (and forgot my box of tissues). Weslee came over, wrapped his arms around me, and said,
"Mama, you need a hug. I love you."

Of course, I cried more. Then he stepped back, looked at me, and said,
"Mama, I love you this much (holding his hands a few inches apart). No, wait, I love you this much (his arms open more). No, Mama, I love you THIS much!" And he held his arms open as far as they would go and gave me a big hug.

I did the same, and told him how much I love him, but I don't think he or his brother will ever really understand how much that is. It's the kind of love where it hurts to think how short life really is, and the kind of love that transcends to hurting for another mother who knows it so much better than I do.

I will go to bed tonight, without much concern that my children will wake up- one probably several times before dawn- but I will hug them a little tighter and longer, and kiss them a few more times. I will lay them down and pray and cry for another mother and father who will not sleep with that same assurance tonight.

I ask that you would join me in prayer for Baby Tripp and his family, and that you, too, might forget about all that other stuff in life and be just a little less ungrateful with me.

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.
-1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

Monday, January 9, 2012

Why Moms Leave the House

I realized today why moms like to take their children out. It's not because they enjoy lugging around car seats and wrangling small children with amazingly slippery hands. They don't fancy the public tantrums, yelling ("remember, indoor voice!"), crying, and things being flung from carts. They may not even particularly want to get dressed in the morning, dress children, and see other people outside the home. So why do they do it?

It keeps the house neat.

Yep, that's right. I was out all morning, at MOPS and then the store, and when I came home the house was still as clean as I'd left it. Of course, it was also nap time, so as I'm writing this, I still have not had to pick anything up off the floor, because nothing was taken out this morning! By my calculations, the floor has been clean and relatively toy-free for 16 hours now, which has got to be some kind of record!

I am now trying to figure out places that we can go that will entertain the kids, not drive me crazy, and keep us out long enough to minimize the mess around here. I guess it will come down to whether I want to tackle all the aforementioned public obstacles or clean up a floor covered in the hazards toy companies have cleverly marketed as entertainment for children.

We'll see...


Oh, hello again blog and readers! I'm sure all five of those who frequent here missed my posts oh-so-much (hi Mom). Ken challenged me to make some tangible resolutions this year, and after thinking about it, I have the following goals:

1. Speak gently (this he decided was not so tangible because I'll not have any visual/written evidence of it, but I think it's a great goal that will effect us all spiritually)
2. Eat healthy and eat out less (totally tangible if I'm ever brave enough to step on the scale- which I'm not- and by the fit of my clothes)
3. Exercise more (this means finding time when children are not climbing on me or screaming at me, I'm not tending to household matters, and hubby doesn't need my attention... ha)
4. Blog weekly (this is my most tangible goal)

There you go! I set my goals loosely because I don't want to get to the end of the year and realize that I haven't reached any of them. I guess you'll be able to read/see more on this blog for the next year, and keep me accountable if I'm slacking off on it. I did decide that picture posts count as blogging, but I will try to add some kind of caption to the pictures so you don't have to wonder who all the people in them are and you know what we're doing in them! I hope you enjoy my return to the writing realm, and hopefully I'll be a little more creative in what I'm posting.