The Anti-Family Church, pt. 1- Introduction

I've been contemplating this blog series for months now, and have been putting it on the back burner until I could find some time to actually think it through a little more. I figured when I started dreaming about writing the posts it was time to get to it. I'll give you a disclaimer: this may rile quite a few people, which is ok. Before flying off the handle about it, think about whether you're upset because you think I'm dead wrong, or because you're being convicted. Then, if you decide I'm wrong, please give me biblical proof for your side, since I am doing so for mine. It's only fair. :)

The Evangelical world as a majority has been moving away from family church for a long time now, and moving toward seeker-friendly/seeker-sensitive church. Along with that has come the shift towards catering toward man-centered theology, and the idea that "what feels good must be right". In today's society that tends to be the idea that freedom is key, and avoiding family (or family responsibilities) is a perfectly acceptable alternative to raising children and instructing them in the Lord's ways. I have pretty strong feelings against seeker-sensitivity, as I see it as completely against biblical directive.

What as Christians are we to do? Let's take a look at what Jesus says:

"And Jesus came and said to them, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.' " -- Matthew 28:18-20 (ESV)

How do we make disciples? Is it accomplished through a catchy worship service, a neat video, and funny jokes? Is it by giving "life principles" without cracking open a Bible? Do we help disciple people by feeding, clothing, and assisting them without once mentioning Jesus? Do we help our families and children by pushing them into segregated classes once a week to learn about Jesus (maybe) from teachers who themselves may or may not share the same biblical standards as we hold to?

It seems the only effective way to disciple a person is by using the Bible, God's inspired Word, which is the only place we can find the directions for a life dedicated to Him. When we get away from the Truth revealed through the Bible, we move away from God and toward man. Man-centered theology says, "it's all about me, me, me" when really we should only be focused on God, and not what makes us "feel good". Let me tell you, this is an incredibly flawed standard, especially in regards to family, which often does not make us "feel good". Family life is difficult, and as fellow believers we are to uplift and encourage each other. We should be focused on teaching men to be bold men of God, husbands, fathers, and women to be bold women of God, wives, mothers. We should encourage parents to teach their children and raise them in the way they should go.

It would appear that the direction of our society, of which the majority still claim Christian beliefs, is enough to point to the failure of the Church to disciple properly. Where is the accountability, the fellowship, the bold teaching of Truth that angers sinners and uplifts the saints? Have the days of proclaiming Truth and a Gospel so powerful it saves even the most wretched of men passed along with the reformers? May it not be so!

This series will address the areas that I see as needing the most attention in the church in regards to family: men, women, children, and family.

the media and pregnancy

As I get closer to my due date, I've been watching some of the pregnancy/baby shows on tv, and some of it just baffles me. I had a discussion last week with our birthing instructor about how our society kind of drives women towards pain relief and epidurals during labor, whereas in other countries women wouldn't even think of asking for pain relief. Now, I think it is perfectly natural to desire pain relief. Most of us don't enjoy pain, and I would suppose that labor pain is one that most women would wish not to feel.

That said, I was a little taken aback when watching a labor on tv where the narrator was seemingly astonished that the mother had refused pain relief, and then commented that she was "paying for it". It made childbirth without medication seem like an undesireable, crazy thing to attempt. I know women who gave birth without pain relief, and they all seem of sound mind to me. It irks me a bit that the media would dare portray any woman giving birth as anything less than brave and special.

I don't care if you've got pain relief or not... childbirth is hard work for every woman, and that should be acknowledged. I do think women who try for a labor without pain relief must be pretty determined to go against the "norm" and we should support them, not ridicule them.

Later in the same show the nursing mother was portrayed as "stuck at home" because she had to be able to feed the baby. I can see why new mothers would feel that way at the beginning when baby is feeding so often, and especially if they haven't been told what to expect with breastfeeding. But I also know many mothers who choose to nurse and manage to do that while still getting out of the house.

Maybe my point should be that having a baby isn't some kind of death sentence for the mother and father, like the media has a tendency to make it. It is a beautiful thing to raise a new life and we should praise God for the opportunity!

pregnancy is beautiful

I've been doing a lot of reading up on pregnancy and what happens after birth, and I've got to say that though pregnancy sometimes makes you feel miserable, it really is a beautiful thing. God has so blessed women with the ability to bear children and raise them. God has blessed husbands and wives with the ability to express their love physically, and we can see the fruits of love in the children they bear.

That said, I am absolutely appalled by people who seem to think that these God-given privileges are in some way dirty or wrong. Maybe it's just because during pregnancy women seem to lose that sense of secrecy, because everybody knows how babies are made. Maybe it's because it seems like the only time a woman can be completely candid and honest about what she is going through is during pregnancy, where you have to brace yourself for all sorts of personal questions from others. Or, maybe it's because I'm a Bible believing Christian woman of God who refuses to be sucked into the added stipulations some who profess to be Believers place on scripture. Whatever it is, I am compelled to speak out against those who would place others under a more stringent rule than God Himself does.

When somebody takes issue with something another has done (believer to believer), it is appropriate for the complaining party to have scriptural support for their position. It is inappropriate for the person who is concerned to simply say something is wrong without supporting it, and even worse for them to say the Bible says it's wrong without being willing to find where it is in scripture. Normally, I try to take people lightly when they can't give me scripture, and I just bite my tongue and express my understanding for their personal opinion. I get a little defensive when I see these people instigating their rules on other Christians, and using their position to strong arm them into submission for something that wasn't even wrong to begin with.

We see people who tried to force their rules on others a lot in the New Testament... Paul called them Judaizers. It wasn't meant as a compliment. Jesus was harsh with the Pharisees, and Paul had no patience for those who tried to place Christ followers back under the Old Testament law.

All we need to show that God meant human sexuality to be a beautiful example of His glory is to look at what is in scripture. God created man and women, to be together, to be fruitful and multiply. Sexuality in it's entirety (from identity to sex to procreation) is a beautiful thing within its proper context. Song of Songs is a book dedicated to the beauty of the relationship between husband and wife. References are made to the womb and children at the breast, without shame for the relation. The marriage relationship is used as an example of Christ and the Church, the headship that lies within.

I'd challenge people to search scriptures before they jump to conclusions about what is and is not permitted by the Almighty God. We are strongly cautioned not to try to take scripture and apply it to what we believe, but to mold our lives to fit what the Word lays out as a guideline. Will there be variances in beliefs and comfort levels? Of course! We are to give grace and be understanding about our brothers and sisters who are weaker than us. But we are not to change our core beliefs that are supported with scripture.

oh be careful little tongue, what you say!

I've been reading Liz Curtis Higgs' book "Bad Girls of the Bible" for my Tuesday morning Bible study, and this week I was catching up when I read the story of Delilah. You remember Samson and Delilah- he trusted her, she betrayed him, and ultimately that stuff led to his renewing of faith in the Lord and his death.

Delilah betrayed the man who loved her because she was selfish and some Philistines offered her money that she didn't want to refuse. I got to thinking, and realized how often women do that to their husbands. We are so selfish that we betray a trust or say something that humiliates or brings shame to our husbands. Some things that I can think of that we may selfishly be interested in are: popularity/status, acceptance, power, a role we want to achieve/job we want to do, money, security, beauty, freedom, etc.

I have an example to share, and have my husband's permission to retell this story of a time that I brought humiliation to him because of my own selfish desires. Our church had a men's retreat a while back, and one of Ken's friends was trying really hard to get him to go. I thought he was going until the friend said something to me about it, that Ken had declined the invitation to have his way paid. The friend wanted to know why Ken wasn't going to go, and I just told him I didn't know. Instead of leaving it at that, the friend started asking Ken, and when he didn't answer, the friend started asking me again. After several times of getting the third degree, I did what Delilah did- I asked Ken for a reason. At first he didn't tell me, and then said he didn't like hunting for no gain. When his friend wasn't satisfied, I started nagging Ken (ladies, from my own experience, nagging doesn't work) and finally he told me he didn't want to go on the retreat because he didn't want to spend that much time away from me. I thought that was sweet, and I was so intent on getting Ken's friend off my back that I didn't think about how a guy would see that answer, that it could be embarrassing for Ken to explain to his buddies. So I shared the information.

You can guess by now that it didn't go well. The friend called Ken up and hounded him about his reason for not going on the men's retreat. I felt guilty for sharing publicly something that was shared with me in confidence between husband and wife. I should have treasured the fact that my husband is so dedicated and loves me so much that he didn't want to spend days without me.

I'm sure everybody has their story, and I'm also certain that many would try to justify their selfish actions to make themselves feel better about sinning against their husband. In her book, Higgs points out that we never know whether or not Delilah loved Samson, but only that he loved her. They were not married, but I looked in the Bible anyway for a command for women to love their husbands. I did not find any explicit command that we must feel those lovey-dovey mushy romantic feelings for them, but only that we are bound by the command to love our brothers. Husbands are given a specific command to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. So I see no justification for people saying things like, "he did it first" or "I don't see the problem- he doesn't show love for me, why should I be kind to him in return?"

Unfortunately, we often overlook blatant sins because we are only thinking of ourselves. Even if our husband is not following God's instructions, we are told to be examples to him.

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 1 Peter 3:1-2

There is no room to be catty or two-faced and plot to disrespect our husbands. If you'll look at scripture you will see that it is not our job to act out revenge on those who have sinned against us, or those we do not want to submit to.

Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, " says the Lord. Romans 12:19

I encourage you to look at your own actions and search for those places where you have sinned against your husband. Then repent and ask God's forgiveness for those sins, and ask your husband to forgive you also for disrespecting him. We are to be examples to others of what Christ has done in our lives, and one step that is crucial is to form our marriages to the biblical standard that we may be an example for them. Remember, it's not about selfishness, it's about God, and bringing glory to Him in every aspect of our lives.

But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. Colossians 3:8

... in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us. Titus 2:7-8

girlfriends night at church

A couple weeks ago Meredith (my sister) and I went to the Girlfriends "Blast from the Past" night at my church. They had fun activities like bingo, board games, movies, car rides in classics, volleyball, crafts, and of course- free coffee! Meredith and I decided to try the crafts area, and ended up making card holders... it's basically a thick poster board that you cover with batting, fabric, and ribbon, and then hang your cards/pictures on for display. I kept the brown one, and gave my mom the tan one for Mother's Day. It was so much fun! It's easy to make one of them, and adds a nice decorative touch to the house.

value in biblical role for women

I am constantly and sadly surprised that so many women devalue their roles as wives and mothers. People are very involved in freedom and equality, and I believe the family unit suffers because of it. I have to question what Evangelical feminism does for godly families.

First, I am not referring to any family in which the husband believes he needs to lord over or completely control his wife. A godly family does not involve abuse in any way. The husband fully relies on God and His Word, and he is the spiritual leader. He follows the examples set forth in the Bible regarding treatment of his wife and children. He is willing to sacrifice as Christ did.

People want to hash out the Greek in 1 Timothy, to try and say women should hold any position of a job that they choose. They have a tendency to call any man who believes women should stay home with children chauvinistic and any woman who believes the same antiquated. If the need arises, can God use anybody He chooses to do His will? Of course; however, He gives clear instruction about the structure of a family.

We see from the beginning that woman was created for man, to be a helpmate and complete him. God first offered animals to try to fill the void, but none would work. So along came Eve. Then we have the fall, sin entering through man and not woman because Adam was responsible for Eve. We have the curse, that woman’s desire shall be for her husband and he shall be the head. Some will say that the curse was destroyed when Christ died on the cross, but we still live in a fallen world. Women still have pain in childbirth. The curse passes away when we have reached heaven.

In the Old Testament we see the dedication of men to God, and the wives’ dedication to their husbands. Proverbs 31 is always an excellent example of a woman’s priorities. She cares for her family first, and then does things in addition. I doubt there is any woman today who could accomplish so much. I also enjoy the reference to the Old Testament in 1 Peter 3. We gain insight into how a woman should act. She should be pure, reverent, have inner beauty, have a gentle and quiet spirit, and be submissive to her husband. Sarah’s dedication to Abraham is mentioned, that she obeyed him and called him master. Now, in today’s society it may seem strange to call a husband “master” but we have to see past the foreign concept and to the relevance of the term. The wife makes herself vulnerable and puts all trust in her husband by calling him master, and the husband takes this very seriously. He provides for and protects her, loving her as Christ loved.

In today’s society, where we are told that self is the most important thing, women find it difficult to submit as the women in the Bible did. We can’t imagine fully surrendering to our husbands, to trust them to do God’s will. What does this say about us? Jesus said to Peter, “Ye of little faith…” when he could not walk on water. Women often sink when they try to put their trust in their husbands. It is not just an issue of surrendering to the head of our family, but to God’s will. It is not man’s instruction but inspired writing that tells us how to act.

Too conservative, you say? Yes, by today’s standards it certainly is. The world does not understand why we would want to follow a God that puts one gender over the other in authority. Why, I ask, do we want to follow the sinful and depraved world we live in? We are transformed by the Holy Spirit when we live in Christ. We are set apart from the world. Our bodies may still be a part of it, but our minds are with Christ. We do not seek to please others, but God.

I have been attacked by women for desiring to be a stay at home wife and mother. They seem to act like I’ve lost my mind. Feminism used to fight for women to have the right to do whatever they chose, but now it only supports women who choose to take what was traditionally a man’s role in society. As a result, more and more women are leaving home and filling full-time jobs that continue to reduce the time they spend with their families.

People often assume that a mother must become bored staying at home with her children. I don’t see how. A full time job outside the home is redundant, and you are stuck in a specific role. There is not much variety in what you do. At home, a woman is a wife, lover, mother, cook, teacher, housekeeper, chauffeur, counselor, role model, decorator, etc. There is no shortage of variety in the role of a stay at home wife and mother. Contrary to common belief, there is much more variety at home than there is at an outside job.

Christian women should be concerned first with their families, second with those outside of their family, and finally themselves. God does not call us to “get yours” but to sacrifice ourselves for the good of others. If submission to your husband and “limiting” yourself to caring for your children seems like an impossible sacrifice, maybe you should be rethinking your attitude. God has asked much of his daughters. When we refuse to submit and care for our families, we are not relying on God, but on ourselves. We are to set an example for our dying world in everything we do. If we believe that God values the family, we should show that in everything we do. Whether we realize it or not, people are watching every move we make, and they will know and judge the nature of God through our actions. Let us not forsake our roles as Christian women, wives, and mothers.