The Anti-Family Church, pt. 1- Introduction

I've been contemplating this blog series for months now, and have been putting it on the back burner until I could find some time to actually think it through a little more. I figured when I started dreaming about writing the posts it was time to get to it. I'll give you a disclaimer: this may rile quite a few people, which is ok. Before flying off the handle about it, think about whether you're upset because you think I'm dead wrong, or because you're being convicted. Then, if you decide I'm wrong, please give me biblical proof for your side, since I am doing so for mine. It's only fair. :)

The Evangelical world as a majority has been moving away from family church for a long time now, and moving toward seeker-friendly/seeker-sensitive church. Along with that has come the shift towards catering toward man-centered theology, and the idea that "what feels good must be right". In today's society that tends to be the idea that freedom is key, and avoiding family (or family responsibilities) is a perfectly acceptable alternative to raising children and instructing them in the Lord's ways. I have pretty strong feelings against seeker-sensitivity, as I see it as completely against biblical directive.

What as Christians are we to do? Let's take a look at what Jesus says:

"And Jesus came and said to them, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.' " -- Matthew 28:18-20 (ESV)

How do we make disciples? Is it accomplished through a catchy worship service, a neat video, and funny jokes? Is it by giving "life principles" without cracking open a Bible? Do we help disciple people by feeding, clothing, and assisting them without once mentioning Jesus? Do we help our families and children by pushing them into segregated classes once a week to learn about Jesus (maybe) from teachers who themselves may or may not share the same biblical standards as we hold to?

It seems the only effective way to disciple a person is by using the Bible, God's inspired Word, which is the only place we can find the directions for a life dedicated to Him. When we get away from the Truth revealed through the Bible, we move away from God and toward man. Man-centered theology says, "it's all about me, me, me" when really we should only be focused on God, and not what makes us "feel good". Let me tell you, this is an incredibly flawed standard, especially in regards to family, which often does not make us "feel good". Family life is difficult, and as fellow believers we are to uplift and encourage each other. We should be focused on teaching men to be bold men of God, husbands, fathers, and women to be bold women of God, wives, mothers. We should encourage parents to teach their children and raise them in the way they should go.

It would appear that the direction of our society, of which the majority still claim Christian beliefs, is enough to point to the failure of the Church to disciple properly. Where is the accountability, the fellowship, the bold teaching of Truth that angers sinners and uplifts the saints? Have the days of proclaiming Truth and a Gospel so powerful it saves even the most wretched of men passed along with the reformers? May it not be so!

This series will address the areas that I see as needing the most attention in the church in regards to family: men, women, children, and family.

My Mornings

I don't know if I'd say that I'm a morning person, but I have certainly been forced to become one if I wasn't already. Weslee is a great sleeper; he sleeps right around 12 hours a night. The funny thing is that he usually goes to sleep around 5pm... which means he's awake before 6am. That means mom is up before 6am each morning, even if she was able to sleep in.
I have to say the mornings redeem themselves when I get to hang out with my little guy. Today Weslee and I got up at 6am and let Ken sleep in. We played a little, then Weslee played while I cleaned the kitchen and made muffins, we snuggled and Weslee fell asleep, and now we are sitting together on the couch. He is carrying on some sort of enlightening conversation with me, which is very cute.
Just us, the Pandora Christmas playlist, and some gusty arctic wind. Have I mentioned lately how much I love this little bundle of joy he Lord has blessed us with?

Love, the Gospel, and Service

What is love? 1 Corinthians 13 describes love as follows:

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
-- 1 Corinthians 14:4-8 (NASB)

We often overlook the beginning of the chapter which says:

"If I speak with the tongues of men and angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing."
-- 1 Corinthians 14:1-3 (NASB)

The passage seems to be discussing our actions, and clearly indicates that they must be acts of love, since love is also an action. Without love, nothing we do matters, and it is not pleasing to God.

That said, we are incapable of love. Love by God’s standard is impossible for us to accomplish on our own. The unbeliever cannot love in accordance to God’s standard. The only reason the believer is capable of love is through Christ’s imputed righteousness- the perfection that God sees in us not because of our own doing, but due to the blood Jesus shed on the cross to atone for our sins, our depravity, and our inadequacy.

I wonder often when we serve others who we are really doing it for. Just because we say we are Christians does not mean we do everything to God’s glory. There are things we do that do not please Him, things that He hates. When we serve out of a selfish nature, the things we do- though good by human standards- are worthless to the Lord. His standard is so much higher than ours.

I think sometimes we get so caught up in “doing” that we forget why we do it. We don’t clothe the naked, feed the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless to make sure they are dressed, full, and living in a warm house. Have I lost you?

We do acts of service because it enables us to spread the Gospel, to share Christ with others, to fulfill the commands Jesus gave us. What good does it do us to install a smoke alarm when the building is already on fire? Similarly, what good do our works do unless we also share the Gospel with those who we are serving?

Our desire should be that all would be saved, not that people would be “comfortable” in life. After all, what good is it to make the world a better place to go to hell from? The Christian walk is difficult, and God often uses hardships to draw us close to Him. There is a reason that it is nearly impossible for a rich man to be saved. When we are down, without hope- that is when we have only the Lord to turn to.

So when we serve, let’s focus on first getting the person out of the burning building, then work on helping them build a new house through discipleship and further acts of service. People will not always know we are serving because of Christ- we must make that clear by unashamedly sharing the Gospel message with them.

True love is caring enough about a person to want them to be saved from eternal hellfire and damnation. Jesus told us He came to seek and save the lost- to glorify the Father- his signs and miracles were an aid to that, not the main goal. Let us keep that in mind as we strive to serve others- to the glory of God, not man.

"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the father and the son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you..."
-- Matthew 23:19-20 (NASB)

“We give thanks to God always for all of you, making mention of you in our prayers; constantly bearing in mind your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ in the presence of our God and Father…”
--1 Thessalonians 1:2-3 (NASB)

O Christmas Tree!

Weslee's first look at a Christmas tree

Ah, a tall tree! After 4 1/2 years of marriage, we finally have a tree taller than 3'! I hit the sales after Christmas last year and scored a 6 1/2' tree for only $10 at Wal-Mart. Go me!
Life at our house is never boring, and putting the tree up was no exception. I had put all the bottom branches on and fanned them out nicely, when I realized the top section just wasn't going on right. Ken, in all his brute strength, tried to force it on a little harder. Instead, the base of the tree that holds the legs snapped, and the tree fell over. I (along with a little help from Ken) spent the next hour super gluing and holding the cracked pieces together in hopes that the tree could be salvaged. That super glue was worthless- it didn't hold anything together except my fingers (I'm lucky I'm not typing with fingers permanently adhered to each other). We tried a little duct tape over the broken pieces, and that held for a couple minutes, but the base still gave way under the weight of the tree.
Finally, in a last-ditch effort to salvage the tree I'd spent so much time putting together, I grabbed the roll of duct tape and started wrapping it around the base. It worked. Half a roll later the tree stood up as straight as it originally had. Afterward, Ken found the tree's warranty (who knew fake trees came with warranties?) and discovered we still have a year left on it, so hopefully they'll send us another base to the tree so I don't have to buy another one this year.
Weslee was in awe at the tree when I showed it to him in the morning. We put it all together while he was asleep- one so he would be surprised, two so he wouldn't get in the way. Hooks and glass ornaments do not mix with the fast little hands of a baby. He just stood and stared at the tree for a few minutes before trying to figure out how to get to it. I'm glad we have a gate to put around it.
I think we'll go shopping this year for a "baby's first Christmas" ornament. Right now we have Ken's first ornament (from 1985) on the tree, since it's for a boy. I'm so looking forward to getting to show Weslee what Christmas time is about. I know he won't understand about Christ's birth this year, but he will get the joy of all the new things happening around him, and that's still pretty cool.
Next on our list is decorating the rest of the house and putting lights up outside (that's Ken's area). This will be the first Christmas we've really had the whole house decked out. I feel like a "real" family now, starting our own traditions that we can follow through the years.

raspberries for dad

Ken and Weslee making raspberries at each other at The Chowder Bowl.

weslee's first beach trip

Dad and Weslee, first time touching sand

First time touching the ocean

Family photo

Trying to comfort Weslee

Enjoying the view from his high chair at The Chowder Bowl

Last Monday we decided to take an impromptu visit to Winema beach, and have a little family adventure. Weslee did terrific on his first longer car ride, and was very excited to see everything when we walked to the beach. The excitement ended the second Ken put him down on the sand. He did not like the sand, and he did not like the ocean... so Weslee is not a fan of the beach just yet. Hopefully when he's a little older he'll enjoy running around and making sand castles. For now, it was a fun experience, and a learning experience for us for future trips. We headed down the coast to Newport after the beach, and had dinner at our favorite place, The Chowder Bowl. Weslee loved the restaurant, and enjoyed watching all the people. Hopefully we'll find more days where we can make little trips as a family.

almost 6 months

Time sure flies. It doesn't seem like it's been half a year since Weslee arrived. Just yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital and carefully handling our fragile package, right? Our little guy is sure growing! He went to the doctor last week and weighed in at 17 1/2lbs! That's nearly triple his lowest weight- holy cow! He can now sit up on his own, and bear walk (hands and legs straight instead of knees) to move himself across the floor. He tries crawling when he really wants to be somewhere, but much prefers if mom and dad get things for him. He love his feet, and is usually playing with them in some way. Right now he's lounging next to me with his Ellie-Phant in his hands, clapping his feet together like a seal. He's deep in conversation with the toy, lol.
He still doesn't have any teeth that have broken through, but we noticed another little white bump almost where molars should be on the bottom right. Now we wonder if he's going to have a bunch of teeth all come in at once... poor kid.

We're looking forward to the 6-month appointment with the doctor to hear her opinion on how Weslee is doing. He's always been a little bit ahead developmentally. If crawling goes like sitting up, he may be doing it by 6 months. We're excited to see what he's going to do with his first solid food. I found a recipe for homemade brown rice cereal that I'm going to try since it's more healthy than processed white rice cereal.

Hopefully I'll keep up on blogging fairly regularly now that Weslee can kind of amuse himself for short periods of time.

who are we trusting to lead us?

It was brought to my attention today that the "Science Czar" John Holdren, who Obama has put in place for our government, has a very scary past. He has advocated in his writings that the government should have control of population, to the point of forced abortions and forced sterilization. I don't care if you're pro-life or pro-choice... the idea is devastating to both sides. How on earth did we end up with this guy advising the most powerful man in the nation, and what does this say about our government?

Set aside some time, and please read the full, very LONG article here.

Wish List

I love reading. I miss reading. I haven't had much time to read recently, but I was thinking about it tonight and realized that I could be reading when I'm nursing, since I can't do much else during that time. I've read the books I own, and I enjoy getting new books, but haven't done that in quite a while because the money just isn't there right now.

So I've made a little list of the things I would get if I had the money. I think I'll start saving and get them over a period of time... I should be able to get about one a month if I cut out everything else I might spend my $5/week on.

-Fireproof: DVD, Study Series, Love Dare
-I Promise by Dr. Gary Smalley
-Intended for Pleasure by Dr. Ed Wheat
-Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
-The Duggars 20 and Counting by Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar

my view on santa

It seems that I've had many conversations this holiday season about Santa Claus and what we will be teaching our son. Ken and I have talked about this for a while now, and we have decided not to teach our children that Santa is real. Instead we will treat him just as any other fictitious character our children would know about from books or the media. It seems to be the most sensible approach that I can think of.

I know that I want to teach our child about Santa before somebody else does. It is much better that they hear from us that Santa is based on a real person who used to help the poor instead of being a real person who is magical. Christmas in our house is about Christ, and there's no reason to perpetuate the belief that Santa comes into the house to give good kids presents at night. We're not even convinced that presents are all that important, unless we're giving the kids something they really need, like new clothes. I know that we're going against the norm, and even against what our parents did when we were little. It doesn't sit well with me to lie to a child, though. I think that kids are perfectly capable of understanding that certain things are not real. My nephew loves lights, frosty the snowman, and other holiday things, but when asked why we celebrate Christmas his answer is, "because Jesus loves us." Even a child can tell the difference between fun fictional things and the real reason behind this winter holiday. I wonder why adults think they won't be able to handle the truth.

I do think that the idea of Santa can offer a somewhat tangible example of somebody displaying Christ-like qualities that kids would understand, like being charitable, loving one's neighbor, caring for widows/orphans. We make parallels between things today and things from the Bible, and I see no harm in pointing out to children the positive actions the original St. Nicholas did. I do not believe the character himself is inherently evil, but the way society exalts him to a god-like status is wrong. It is no different from the way we worship food, tv, sports, comics, video games, etc. It just happens to coincide with a holiday dedicated to Christ. In reality we should be worshiping Christ every day, not just on a select few days of the year. We must be careful not to let anything become more important than our Savior.

That's my view on Santa- fictitious character based on a real person who did nice things to help others. Great opportunity to segue into Christ's characteristics and the real reason we are celebrating Christmas. After you discuss it with your children there's really no need to re-approach the topic, since I think kids are pretty smart and there's a reason Christ said our faith should be child-like. They know that Jesus loves them, and they accept it. Santa need not be a substitute.

the media and pregnancy

As I get closer to my due date, I've been watching some of the pregnancy/baby shows on tv, and some of it just baffles me. I had a discussion last week with our birthing instructor about how our society kind of drives women towards pain relief and epidurals during labor, whereas in other countries women wouldn't even think of asking for pain relief. Now, I think it is perfectly natural to desire pain relief. Most of us don't enjoy pain, and I would suppose that labor pain is one that most women would wish not to feel.

That said, I was a little taken aback when watching a labor on tv where the narrator was seemingly astonished that the mother had refused pain relief, and then commented that she was "paying for it". It made childbirth without medication seem like an undesireable, crazy thing to attempt. I know women who gave birth without pain relief, and they all seem of sound mind to me. It irks me a bit that the media would dare portray any woman giving birth as anything less than brave and special.

I don't care if you've got pain relief or not... childbirth is hard work for every woman, and that should be acknowledged. I do think women who try for a labor without pain relief must be pretty determined to go against the "norm" and we should support them, not ridicule them.

Later in the same show the nursing mother was portrayed as "stuck at home" because she had to be able to feed the baby. I can see why new mothers would feel that way at the beginning when baby is feeding so often, and especially if they haven't been told what to expect with breastfeeding. But I also know many mothers who choose to nurse and manage to do that while still getting out of the house.

Maybe my point should be that having a baby isn't some kind of death sentence for the mother and father, like the media has a tendency to make it. It is a beautiful thing to raise a new life and we should praise God for the opportunity!

pregnancy is beautiful

I've been doing a lot of reading up on pregnancy and what happens after birth, and I've got to say that though pregnancy sometimes makes you feel miserable, it really is a beautiful thing. God has so blessed women with the ability to bear children and raise them. God has blessed husbands and wives with the ability to express their love physically, and we can see the fruits of love in the children they bear.

That said, I am absolutely appalled by people who seem to think that these God-given privileges are in some way dirty or wrong. Maybe it's just because during pregnancy women seem to lose that sense of secrecy, because everybody knows how babies are made. Maybe it's because it seems like the only time a woman can be completely candid and honest about what she is going through is during pregnancy, where you have to brace yourself for all sorts of personal questions from others. Or, maybe it's because I'm a Bible believing Christian woman of God who refuses to be sucked into the added stipulations some who profess to be Believers place on scripture. Whatever it is, I am compelled to speak out against those who would place others under a more stringent rule than God Himself does.

When somebody takes issue with something another has done (believer to believer), it is appropriate for the complaining party to have scriptural support for their position. It is inappropriate for the person who is concerned to simply say something is wrong without supporting it, and even worse for them to say the Bible says it's wrong without being willing to find where it is in scripture. Normally, I try to take people lightly when they can't give me scripture, and I just bite my tongue and express my understanding for their personal opinion. I get a little defensive when I see these people instigating their rules on other Christians, and using their position to strong arm them into submission for something that wasn't even wrong to begin with.

We see people who tried to force their rules on others a lot in the New Testament... Paul called them Judaizers. It wasn't meant as a compliment. Jesus was harsh with the Pharisees, and Paul had no patience for those who tried to place Christ followers back under the Old Testament law.

All we need to show that God meant human sexuality to be a beautiful example of His glory is to look at what is in scripture. God created man and women, to be together, to be fruitful and multiply. Sexuality in it's entirety (from identity to sex to procreation) is a beautiful thing within its proper context. Song of Songs is a book dedicated to the beauty of the relationship between husband and wife. References are made to the womb and children at the breast, without shame for the relation. The marriage relationship is used as an example of Christ and the Church, the headship that lies within.

I'd challenge people to search scriptures before they jump to conclusions about what is and is not permitted by the Almighty God. We are strongly cautioned not to try to take scripture and apply it to what we believe, but to mold our lives to fit what the Word lays out as a guideline. Will there be variances in beliefs and comfort levels? Of course! We are to give grace and be understanding about our brothers and sisters who are weaker than us. But we are not to change our core beliefs that are supported with scripture.

happy thanksgiving!

Here it is: your one day to remember how thankful you are for everything the Lord has blessed us with in this world... hmm, that doesn't sound right. Though I love Thanksgiving, I love it even more when people remember to give thanks to the Lord every other day of the year for the things He has done. I wonder sometimes why it is that everybody harps on "be thankful" only during the last half of November, and those same people don't say a word the rest of the year.

This year, I am especially thankful for:
~ My salvation and promise of eternal life with God in Heaven
~ My marriage
~ How good God is to those who have passed this life to be with Him
~ Weslee, and how God has protected him
~ Family and friends
~ Financial woes, because it teaches us to rely on the Lord
~ A real house to live in and welcome Weslee home in
~ A fragile emotional/hormonal state that forces me to rely on God and not myself
~ Difficult people that help challenge me to deal with them appropriately
~ Those who are persecuted for their faith in Jesus and have so much to teach us
~ Creation
~ Every day I survive, and every day I begin

This is the story of a little baby named Eliot, and how his parents were thankful for every day God blessed them with. It hits a little close to home for me after losing a baby and watching my nephew in the hospital for the first month of his life. You might want to grab a few tissues before you watch it.


I hope today that we take the time to think of the reasons we should be thankful EVERY day, and not just when we hang out with family and friends to eat an exorbitant amount of food... but I hope we also enjoy the fellowship and food!

new adventures in life

I can't believe it's already been a month since I last blogged! Things have been so hectic the past few weeks that I just haven't been together enough to sit down and write anything coherent. I am writing from my bedroom in our new house, which is turning out to be much better than the apartment we were in! I must say I love that I don't hear the next door neighbor playing their music/tv/video games at all hours of the night. It's quiet here, with the occasional sound of passing cars.

I have to admit my favorite place here is the kitchen. I have two ovens and a glass stove top, and cooking is so much easier and more fun! Ken and I have been doing a lot of cooking together because there's enough room for both of us in the kitchen now. Yesterday I tried my mom's recipe for Dutch Babies, which I have been told are the same thing as German pancakes. They were delicious, and I'm planning on having them more often because they're so easy to make! This week I've got a recipe for oatmeal apple muffins that my Grandma Ruth gave me years ago, and I want Ken to try them. I'll hopefully find where I put my camera by then so I can take pictures and post the recipe here.

Only 10 more weeks until I'm considered full term and Weslee is free to be here. I'm coming up on the 28th week in pregnancy, which means that fun glucose tolerance test. I'll let you know how it goes, but I am NOT looking forward to it. We had a little excitement a few weeks ago, and I ended up at the hospital and the doctor's office and ended up finding out I've pulled a uterine ligament. I've had to be pretty careful about not stretching the ligament any more, and have worked at physical therapy for a couple weeks to help reduce the pain and strengthen my core so the uterus has better support and the ligament isn't as strained. This morning I found out that I get to do maintenance on my own, which will be nice. Ken has been very helpful with all the restrictions I've got now.

With the final trimester comes these lovely practice contractions called Braxton Hicks, and I've felt a few now. I am not so much looking forward to labor after feeling them, but they aren't anything unbearable... just uncomfortable.

I am looking forward to the holidays- my favorite time of the year! Ken said I can decorate before Thanksgiving if I can get all of our things put away here at the house, so I'm working hard to reach that goal! With Thanksgiving so late this year, there isn't much time before Christmas, and I want to have a month to appreciate all the twinkle lights and pretty ornaments. I will hopefully make it another week before I start singing carols all day long... I think.

mid-summer nights

Here we are halfway through the summer! I've been MIA from the blog for more than a month now- sorry readers! Life has gotten the better of me for a while, but I'm going to attempt to blog regularly again.

Let's see, what's new... Well, Ken has a stable job working for a local manufacturing company. He's basically moving them from one building to another all summer. I have never seen him dirtier in the time I've known him, lol. He's also doing an unpaid youth internship at our church, which he really enjoys. It's great to see him doing something he likes so much.

I've just been up to the same old stuff. I've started watching my nephew twice a week instead of once, which is a lot of fun for me, and hopefully him, too! He is growing up so fast. Every time I see him he wants to sing a song, so we sing together. I've been tired a lot, but that's normal for me in the summers, since it's so warm. We've had some great weather the past few weeks, but some days are getting a little hot for my liking. I'm hoping our air conditioning unit holds out through the summer. Obviously, I'm having issues sleeping, seeing as I'm writing this blog pretty late. I get up every morning around 5am to get Ken ready and off to work, and try to be in bed by 9-10pm. I'm still working on the bedtime thing. My body just doesn't want to sleep until after midnight.

I'm on a cleaning streak right now. I emptied a good portion of my side of the closet today, and feel accomplished about that. It's nice to have a little more room in there now. At some point I'm going to go through the closet in the guest bedroom again, and see what we haven't touched in the past year. Hopefully all the clutter will be gone by fall.

Well, that's all for now. I'm going to attempt to blog at least once a week, and if I don't, just remind me. :)

delve deeper

All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3:16-17

Do you study scripture? It saddens me when I think of the countless "Christians" out there who try to walk according to scripture without having ever read through or studied it. Our ultimate goal is to bring glory to God, but how can we know what will glorify Him if we do not read His Word, His instruction to us?

I have heard it said that there is no such thing as a lukewarm Christian, that a Christian must be "hot" and not "cold". Paul Washer talks about radical Christians, and how we must be radical or nothing at all. If you ever think you are radical, I encourage you to listen to his story about a little boy who could not deny Jesus, and was killed for it- now that, my friends, is a radical Christian.

Jesus said that we must "hate" our families and give up our possessions in order to follow Him. Granted, we are not literally supposed to hate people, but we are supposed to be willing to give everything up in order to glorify God.

If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple... So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his possessions.
Luke 14:26-27, 33

I would venture to guess that not many of us in America are sacrificing a lot by reading scripture, yet so few take the time to try and understand what God is teaching us through His Word. God speaks to us through His Word. If we are Christians, we should be out there trying to learn all we can from what He has said in the Bible. We should desire to know scripture, and desire to understand it, and desire for others to know it and be saved.

As we progress in our Christian walk, we must be growing in holiness, and studying scripture more in depth. Paul speaks about the age of our Christianity by referring to baby Christians as needing milk- basic scriptural understanding, and more mature Christians as needing solid food- in depth scriptural understanding. Where are you at as a Christian? Are you still drinking the milk of scripture, picking and choosing verses here and there, wondering why you don't understand what others are speaking about? Or are you looking hard at scripture to glean all you can from God, finding ways to equip yourself to carry out the Great Commission and disciple others?

For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.
Hebrews 5:13-14

oh be careful little tongue, what you say!

I've been reading Liz Curtis Higgs' book "Bad Girls of the Bible" for my Tuesday morning Bible study, and this week I was catching up when I read the story of Delilah. You remember Samson and Delilah- he trusted her, she betrayed him, and ultimately that stuff led to his renewing of faith in the Lord and his death.

Delilah betrayed the man who loved her because she was selfish and some Philistines offered her money that she didn't want to refuse. I got to thinking, and realized how often women do that to their husbands. We are so selfish that we betray a trust or say something that humiliates or brings shame to our husbands. Some things that I can think of that we may selfishly be interested in are: popularity/status, acceptance, power, a role we want to achieve/job we want to do, money, security, beauty, freedom, etc.

I have an example to share, and have my husband's permission to retell this story of a time that I brought humiliation to him because of my own selfish desires. Our church had a men's retreat a while back, and one of Ken's friends was trying really hard to get him to go. I thought he was going until the friend said something to me about it, that Ken had declined the invitation to have his way paid. The friend wanted to know why Ken wasn't going to go, and I just told him I didn't know. Instead of leaving it at that, the friend started asking Ken, and when he didn't answer, the friend started asking me again. After several times of getting the third degree, I did what Delilah did- I asked Ken for a reason. At first he didn't tell me, and then said he didn't like hunting for no gain. When his friend wasn't satisfied, I started nagging Ken (ladies, from my own experience, nagging doesn't work) and finally he told me he didn't want to go on the retreat because he didn't want to spend that much time away from me. I thought that was sweet, and I was so intent on getting Ken's friend off my back that I didn't think about how a guy would see that answer, that it could be embarrassing for Ken to explain to his buddies. So I shared the information.

You can guess by now that it didn't go well. The friend called Ken up and hounded him about his reason for not going on the men's retreat. I felt guilty for sharing publicly something that was shared with me in confidence between husband and wife. I should have treasured the fact that my husband is so dedicated and loves me so much that he didn't want to spend days without me.

I'm sure everybody has their story, and I'm also certain that many would try to justify their selfish actions to make themselves feel better about sinning against their husband. In her book, Higgs points out that we never know whether or not Delilah loved Samson, but only that he loved her. They were not married, but I looked in the Bible anyway for a command for women to love their husbands. I did not find any explicit command that we must feel those lovey-dovey mushy romantic feelings for them, but only that we are bound by the command to love our brothers. Husbands are given a specific command to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. So I see no justification for people saying things like, "he did it first" or "I don't see the problem- he doesn't show love for me, why should I be kind to him in return?"

Unfortunately, we often overlook blatant sins because we are only thinking of ourselves. Even if our husband is not following God's instructions, we are told to be examples to him.

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 1 Peter 3:1-2

There is no room to be catty or two-faced and plot to disrespect our husbands. If you'll look at scripture you will see that it is not our job to act out revenge on those who have sinned against us, or those we do not want to submit to.

Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, " says the Lord. Romans 12:19

I encourage you to look at your own actions and search for those places where you have sinned against your husband. Then repent and ask God's forgiveness for those sins, and ask your husband to forgive you also for disrespecting him. We are to be examples to others of what Christ has done in our lives, and one step that is crucial is to form our marriages to the biblical standard that we may be an example for them. Remember, it's not about selfishness, it's about God, and bringing glory to Him in every aspect of our lives.

But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. Colossians 3:8

... in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us. Titus 2:7-8

mother's day/birthday

Every so often, my birthday falls on Mother's Day, which is fun because the family has more to celebrate. This year it was a bit different for me, because it also marked four months since Ahlai passed. The week leading up to it was very emotional for me, because I just longed for a baby to love and care for. I listened to all of my pregnant friends get excited for the day, and I wondered if anybody would remember that I was a mom, too. My pastor said something the week before that stuck with me, and made me realize that everything would be ok. I prayed a lot, and cried a little, and Ken was by my side the entire time. Well, Sunday came and I headed to church wearing my "angel mom" pin that my mother-in-law Carol gave me (I cried when I opened the card). I had a few birthday wishes, and a couple Mother's Day wishes, but nothing big. I took the gift for the mothers, and nobody questioned me. One of the elders was so kind in telling me that he had thought of me, knowing the significance of the day.

The rest of the day was spent up at my parents' house eating breakfast for dinner (a Mother's Day tradition) and just having fun times. I got sweet cards from my family, and teared up a little at their thoughtfulness at remembering what is important to me.

So Sunday came and went, and I survived. I was amazingly blessed on that day, and am so thankful that God provides in ways that we do not expect- not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. Though most people did not remember me on the day, I found that I didn't need them to. My family remembered me, and most importantly, God remembered me.

midnight dishes and nyquil

Sometimes I just get hit with a sudden urge to clean. Have you ever experienced that? Tonight it was the dishes. I was in the kitchen taking my nighttime dose of cough medicine, and I realized that there were dishes that weren't washed. I had to do them. I tried to walk away, tried to convince myself to go to bed, but to no avail. The dirty dishes were calling to me, begging me to pick up the sponge and wash them. Never mind that we're not allowed to run our dishwasher at night. I just hand washed them all, and put them in the dishwasher for tomorrow morning.

I could blame it on the cold medicine that makes my head foggy, but that just wouldn't explain all those other times that I just have to clean things. In fact, I have a big cleaning project planned for the next week or so. Call it spring cleaning, if you will. I call it post-degree reconstruction of the household. It sounds fancy, I know, but it's really just old-fashioned hard work done by the sweat of the brow.

Ok, now that the meds are kicking in, I'm getting sleepy, and my hubby is calling me to bed. So I will leave you, and grab that one lingering dish I noticed a certain someone (hint: not me) left out. It must join the others.

torn

Has anybody else ever experienced a conflict of interest between family and God? I haven't ever really experienced that kind of conflict until this year. I'm seriously torn. It seems the more I rely on God, the more independent I must be from those around me. I've always considered my family to be the closest to me, but I think God is starting to fill that space now. I still take into account what others say, but I always take everything to the Lord before I make any moves on my own.

My faith has started to have a life of its own. I no longer rely on what others have taught me my entire life- I look at the Word, I put scriptures in context, and I build my own understanding. Now, I'm not saying that I've been taught falsehoods my entire life, but I am discovering some things that I didn't know before.

It's interesting that when you get married you form your very own family. I've recently realized that my loyalty must be to my husband as to the Lord. If my husband is doing God's will, I have nothing to worry about, ever, even if it seems scary sometimes. My husband and I are one, and I must rely on him to be the spiritual leader of our family. God does not join us for no reason. He gives us our spouse to fulfill the relationship He intended. I must guard my marriage from outside influences that would divide us.

"For this reason a man will leave his mother and father and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together let man not separate." - Mark 1:7-9

I am just so thrilled that God has been revealing my purpose to me. I used to wonder just what it was I was supposed to do in life. For those of you who have known me for a while, my choices have reflected that. I've bounced around, tried out things here and there. I think the Lord really began to mold me this summer, and drew me to Him. My job is to be a wife. It seems so insignificant to many, but I take the job seriously. I am to be the helpmeet of my husband, the one who compliments him, submitting to him and trusting him. He has a much more difficult job than I do, and I respect that.

"21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." - Ephesians 5:21-27

How amazing is it that marriage is to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church! I was asked this week, if the wife is to submit to the husband, what does the husband do? He loves the wife. He is like Christ, and the wife is like the Church. The husband must love as Christ loved, and as Christ humbled himself the husband humbles himself and puts his wife's interests before his own, but under that of the Lord. It is an impossible task, but God did not give it without purpose. I think that we can see just how amazing Christ's love is when we try to be like Him.

"1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. 7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." - 1 Peter 3:1-7

Yes, I know I'm repeating these verses a lot. I think they are very important for us to study, and give the most insight into why we marry and how a marriage should look. I want to be considered one of Sarah's daughters. I want to be the woman of God that He is leading me to be. I want to be a witness to the world about what Christ has done in my life.

This brings me back to my original point. I am torn between God and family to some extent. I worry more than I should, and that has been leading me to prayer in the past month. I pray much of the day. I lift it all to Him, and He guides me. I have clear direction, and I am not ashamed. My conclusion: God wins.

“16 I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. 17 For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: ‘The righteous will live by faith.’” – Romans 1:16-17